Understanding African Parents' Tough Love

"I won't speak on anything I have not lived or experienced." Allow me to paint you a clear picture of my childhood, starting at the beginning on a white-black canvas.

"Oh, shut up and listen to your elders; we know better." This is often said by African parents, the foundation of the tough love that African parents give to their children—purely out of love.

As an African child growing up,- this is often said when we try to voice our opinions and views, it is not because our parents did not care about us or our opinions. First and foremost, it is mainly because they were also raised that way. The experiences and knowledge they gained, both personally and through tradition, have justified this tough love for them and the generations before them.

Do our parents care? Did our opinions ever matter to them? Was the tough love a result of something we did to deserve it? You may ask.

Having been raised in both traditional and modern African homes and cultures, I can tell you for a fact that every instance of tough love displayed by our parents or grandparents was never out of hatred; it was out of love mixed with generational fear and trauma.

Going back into history, research shows that with every hardship faced by our parents and those before them, their reactions—most often unconsciously but sometimes consciously—were a degree of tough love toward the next generation. This tough love grew exponentially with each negative experience they had to endure as Africans. You see, there is a common saying among African elders that "what an adult can see sitting down, a child cannot see, even if the child climbs the tallest tree." This simply means that with age comes experience and knowledge, and the only way a child can be more experienced and knowledgeable than their parent is if the child miraculously ages beyond their parent. Experience, they say, is the best teacher, and this is particularly true in Africa.

Looking back at our blank canvas and history, all facts point to one thing: the generations of Africans before us, down to the most recent generation, have not had the best experiences. They have been subjected to many emotional and life-impacting events that have changed their perspectives on life, and this has commonly manifested as what we call "tough love" in the new African generation.

If there is one undeniable truth that we, as African children, can agree on, it is that our parents love us and would give up almost everything to keep us safe. They raised us with tough love not because they didn’t care but because of their experiences, the emotions, the traumas, and the historical events that shaped them. This taught them one common lesson: "Only the strong will survive."

Thus, while they tried their best to balance this tough love with care, attention, and sacrifices, they aimed to prepare us, as students of Africa, for the world outside our community—carrying with them their pain and experiences, which is never an easy job. Nevertheless, they do their best.

So, how can we, as African children brought up in tough love, evolve to create a better environment for the next generation we will raise?

God is the greatest teacher, and everything created by God, including Africans, is perfect.

One reality that all African parents have agreed upon is that African history always tends to repeat itself. However, these days it occurs more privately and psychologically rather than publicly and physically. History is repeating itself in ways that need to be examined; we must break the cycle of historical barbaric events that have been passed down, remarketed, repackaged, and hidden behind the guise of secret societies. The revered Ghanaian civil rights activist W.E.B. Du Bois once stated, “The cost of liberty is less than the price of repression.”

The future of African children does not have to be solely subjected to tough love. The true reason for evolution is that even though the world around us remains the same, we can most definitely improve and evolve. Just as we cannot go to war using outdated weapons against an evolved enemy, African children evolving into parents should not use old methods to face evolving historically repeated events affecting Africans to bring up the new generations.

We live in an era where we have access to knowledge that our parents and those before them never had. It is crucial to bring up the future generation not only with tough love but also to prepare them for an unfair, revolutionized world. Yes, tough love is an essential aspect of an African child's upbringing; emotional and psychological education is also vital. We need to teach the future generation how to be emotionally and psychologically strong, and how not to be easily influenced or misdirected, all in the name of better opportunities.

As the prominent Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie wisely noted, "The single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete. They make one story become the only story."

Moreover, we must remember the words of African philosopher and educator Ngũgĩ wa Thiong'o: "

" This serves as a reminder that we can break the cycle and reinvent the narrative for future generations.

We, as responsible African children tasked with raising the new generation, hold the utmost responsibility to break the barrier of a "tough love-only upbringing." We must prepare our children for the evolving recurring historical events that are now less physical but more psychologically implemented. The minds and bodies of African children, nurtured with the right balance of tough love, psychologically and emotional education, will only continue to evolve, no matter what challenges arise.

Yes, we can break the barrier, and yes, as Africans, we can evolve and raise children who are not only physically strong but also emotionally and psychologically resilient, ready to combat historically repeating events while contributing to the fight against them. As the great African scholar Ngũgĩ wa Thiong'o reminded us, “A writer is a person who can make a new beginning."

"The future of Africa lies not in the hands of those who laid the foundation, nor in those who built the house, but in the hands of those who will live in and maintain the integrity of the house"- 3'Kings.

There is no limit to the mind of an African child when raised right.

Let's work.

Written by;3'Kings and 3'Crown's

God is the greatest teacher.

You are not alone African Children!